A Week Ago

It been a week.
Seven days since we heard the awful news.

It hasn't been easy sending my little ones off to school each day knowing that so many parents did that exact same thing, except their little ones never got to return.  Little Gracie girl was the hardest.  She is so little, so trusting, and so vulnerable.  School is her most favorite thing.  She is not a morning person and each day she says she'd rather stay home in bed that get up and go to school, but once we wrangle her there she is happy to stay and play.  She often forgets my kiss as she hurries to join her friends.

This morning I got to go to her preschool party.  I arrived at school just minutes past 9:30.  The school had just held a moment of silence for those who were lost at Sandy Hook and the students and teachers were just getting back into what they were doing before.  It was such a happy sight.  The school just glowed to me today. Those hallways are so fun and bright.  I heard so many happy noises coming in every direction.  In most of the classrooms children were working on some sort of holiday project.  Today was the last day before the holiday break.  How anyone could be twisted and diseased enough to turn a wonderful place like that into such a place of horror truly upsets me.

It upsets me that I must tell my children about such events.  It upsets me that I have to tell them that some of their friends lost a playmate.  It upsets me that they will know that bad people really do exist.  It upsets me when they try to comfort me with Ellie telling me that she isn't worried because her school is right next to the police station, or when Emma came home with a whole list of hiding places she and her friends had found at school.  I am proud of their ability to take our warnings, use their own minds to reason through these events, and come out with solutions and not fears.  They are such good girls.

And I have been comforted.  I know that while many will miss those little spirits tremendously they are just fine, home with thier Father in Heaven waiting to be reunited with their family when the time comes.  It is we that are still here that must keep having faith in God's plans.  While awefulness and evil does influence this world, we are sent here to find joy. And there is a lot of joy in this beautiful world.  Sometimes we are awakened to the fact that we need to savor that joy more than ever, because it may be fleeting.  But as President Thomas S Monson said in his closing remarks at last October's General Conference;

Let us be of good cheer as we go about our lives. Although we live in increasingly perilous times, the Lord loves us and is mindful of us. He is always on our side as we do what is right. He will help us in time of need. Difficulties come into our lives, problems we do not anticipate and which we would never choose. None of us is immune. The purpose of mortality is to learn and to grow to be more like our Father, and it is often during the difficult times that we learn the most, as painful as the lessons may be. Our lives can also be filled with joy as we follow the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Lord admonished, “Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”¹What great happiness this knowledge should bring to us. He lived for us and He died for us. He paid the price for our sins. May we emulate His example. May we show our great gratitude to Him by accepting His sacrifice and living lives that will qualify us to return and one day live with Him.

Some other things that held me up this week.

Having a strong and loving, faith-filled husband, who might not be the most eloquent man, but he does know how to comfort me.

That look that I got from Gracie's preschool teacher as I dropped her off on Monday morning.  She saw my hesitation and she met my glance with a look that said, "I would do the same for your child if I needed too."

Seeing the Parker family sending thier messages of forgiveness and love to the shooters family during news conferences.

Seeing the country come together to mourn this loss and to work towards solutions.

Some realizations that I came to this week:
I need to go back for my Master's Degree so I can one day teach.
I don't think it would be a bad idea to learn a few basics on how our shotgun works.